- Real programmers don't write specs - users should consider themselves lucky to get any programs at all and like what they get.
- Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand.
- Real programmers don't write application programs; they program right down to the bare metal. Application programming is for feebs who can't do system programming.
- Real programmers don't eat quiche. In fact, real programmers don't know how to spell quiche. They live on Twinkies, Doritos, Coke, and Szechwan food.
- Real programmers don't write in COBOL. COBOL is for wimpy application programmers.
- Real programmers' programs never work right the first time. But if you throw them on the machine, they can be patched into a working form in "only a few" 30-hour debugging sessions.
- Real programmers don't write in FORTRAN. FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies.
- Real programmers never work 9 to 5. If any real programmer is around at 9 am, it is because he was there from the night before.
- Real programmers don't write in BASIC. Actually, no programmers write in BASIC after the age of 12.
- Real programmers don't write in PL/1. PL/1 is for programmers who can't decide whether to write in COBOL or FORTRAN.
- Real programmers don't play tennis, or any other sport that requires you to change clothes. Mountain climbing is OK, and real programmers wear their climbing boots to work in case a mountain should suddenly spring up in the middle of the computer room.
- Real programmers don't document. Documentation is for simps who can't read the listing or the object code.
- Real programmers don't write in PASCAL or BLISS or ADA or any of those PINKO computer science languages. Strong typing is for people with weak memories.
- Real programmers don't write in LISP. LISP is for effeminate programmers.
- Real programmers are MACRO programmers.
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